I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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