dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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