new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would ride that face into the sunset
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