More tranny stories later!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
