Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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