every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
