I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
