i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
