I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Help me help you realize you are a moron
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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