anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
