dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
