Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
