Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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