I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
