I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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