Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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