Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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