I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
