Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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