My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
