According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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