First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
