I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
try to milk me bitch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
