Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
