You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons