I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly