she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
