On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
