Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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