Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
