dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize