So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize