I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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