i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
