we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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