Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
