you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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