We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
