you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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