oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
