the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
