in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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