The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
