these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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