Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
