if you like me you must not know who I am
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
