I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
