I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
being pregnant is like rehab
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
