I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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