the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
