his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dignity is for republicans.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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