Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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