Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
