Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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