some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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