But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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