Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
