I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
