An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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