we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize