Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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