some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
