in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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