Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
